THE EMAIL GROWTH SHOW EPISODE 169
Today we’re diving deep into the transformative power of tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), to uncover how addressing our emotions paves the way for personal and professional growth. Our latest episode with Jacqui was a catalyst for discussing the profound disconnect many of us experience between our thoughts and feelings, and how tapping bridges that gap.
If you’ve ever felt disappointed or frustrated about not hitting your goals – whether in business, life, or both – this episode will help you shift your perspective, work through those emotions, and create space for new opportunities.
Click play to listen to this episode in full:
Why EFT Tapping for Entrepreneurs Is a Game-Changer
Sometimes affirmation – or white knuckling it – don’t always work. It’s all too common for affirmations to feel awkward when there’s a disconnect between our logical mind and what we truly feel. Jacqui shared her initial struggle with affirmations, realising they failed to resonate due to the misalignment between her internal emotions and external proclamations. Through EFT tapping for entrepreneurs, she discovered a method that doesn’t just superficially plaster over doubts but welcomes them, allowing emotions to be truly addressed rather than resisted.
A Public Bathroom Discovery and Rediscovering Self-Trust
It was fascinating to hear Jacqui’s tale of encountering tapping for the first time – in a public bathroom stall, no less. Imagine walking in filled with anger and emerging with clarity after just a few moments of tapping! While Jacqui admits such rapid transformation isn’t typical, it was nonetheless compelling. It serves as a reminder of how accessible and immediate the effects of tapping can be, making us curious about its potential in our own lives. Jacqui and I touched on a critical issue: the fast pace of life that often leaves us out of touch with our own thoughts and feelings.
In our businesses and day-to-day activities, we are prone to looking externally for validation or guidance. Society conditions us to doubt our instincts, often from a young age, reinforcing the belief that others know better. EFT tapping for entrepreneurs is a gentle yet profound way, to encourage us to pause and listen to ourselves, fostering self-trust that is crucial in the ever-evolving landscape of our businesses.
Embracing Change Through Personalised Tapping
Change can threaten our sense of safety, pushing us to feel stuck or inadequate. Jacqui discussed these feelings candidly, emphasizing the importance of self-trust to navigate transitions.
Whether it’s a shift in our business strategy or an unexpected personal challenge, tapping reminds us that we have the wisdom within to find solutions. It’s about being flexible and resilient, adjusting our sails when the winds change direction.
Throughout our conversation, Jacqui highlighted the nuances of personalised EFT tapping sessions. In a one-on-one setting, the language and focus are tailored to individual needs, while group sessions use broader guidance. No matter the format, the emphasis remains on creating a safe space – physically and emotionally – to explore one’s feelings deeply. The subtleties in tapping, including recognizing emotions tied to unmet goals and reflecting on the past year with compassion, can offer profound insights and relief.
Reframing Deadlines & Unmet Goals with Self-Compassion
How often do we let unmet deadlines weigh heavy upon us, as if our worth is tied to ticking every box by December 31st?
Jacqui enlightened us with a reframing of these societal pressures, suggesting that we consider whether the stakes are truly as high as they seem. Let’s acknowledge the unpredictable nature of life, which rarely aligns perfectly with our plans. Through tapping, we learn to extend grace to ourselves, remembering that progress doesn’t have to adhere to arbitrary temporal boundaries.
Our dialogue ended on a powerful note: the necessity of self-compassion in navigating both business and personal challenges. Managing expectations, particularly ones imposed by ourselves, is a delicate dance. Jacqui and I discussed how self-sabotage often acts as a protective mechanism. By engaging in EFT tapping for entrepreneurs, we embrace these parts of ourselves rather than criticising them, fostering growth rather than resistance.
Take the Next Step
I’m excited to share a resource from our episode: a 10-minute video, “Start Your Day Calm, Clear, and Grounded,” which will guide you through the basics of tapping. This short practice could be the key to unlocking a day full of possibility and peace.
Until then, listen to yourself, trust your instincts, and tap your way to transformative growth… and remember, EFT tapping for entrepreneurs offers a powerful way to process emotions, reframe goals, and grow with confidence! Give it a go today!
Connect with Jacqui:
EXHALE Free Session: Join Jacqui on December 30th for a live session to release 2024 stress and set intentional energy for 2025.
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Full Transcript:
Jacqui Acree [00:00:00]:
Anytime you’re using like self sabotage or like procrastination for example, those are actually protective responses. Self sabotage is always self protection. But what we do is we shame and blame ourselves for doing it. And so the cycle just perpetuates itself. Right?
Kylie Kelly [00:00:19]:
Are you a female business owner frustrated with battling the algorithm and looking for growth strategies that don’t involve awkwardly pointing or dancing online or throwing cash at paid involve awkwardly pointing or dancing online or throwing cash at paid ads? Welcome to The Email Growth Show. I’m your host, Kylie Kelly, visibility and email marketing strategist. I grew my email list from 0 to almost 10,000 subscribers in less than 2 years, and the same is possible for you too. Are you ready to build your email list and start making more money in your online business? Let’s head into today’s episode. Jacqui Acree. Oh my gosh. I’m so excited to finally have you, one of my closest friends, somebody that has helped me so incredibly much through EFT tapping for entrepreneurs on the podcast. Welcome.
Jacqui Acree [00:01:03]:
I’m really excited to be here. I actually can’t believe we haven’t already had
Kylie Kelly [00:01:06]:
this conversation because it feels like we
Jacqui Acree [00:01:06]:
have our own private podcast, at feels like we have our own private podcast, at least weekly, if not daily.
Kylie Kelly [00:01:13]:
It’s so true. It’s so true. Oh my gosh. So okay. Let’s start at the beginning because I think I will have a habit of jumping straight into where we’re up to. So let’s rewind for anyone that doesn’t even know what EFT tapping is. Let’s start there. Can you share with us what the heck is EFT tapping for entrepreneurs?
Jacqui Acree [00:01:31]:
That’s a really good idea. Let’s start there. So EFT stands for emotional freedom techniques. That’s the long mouthful. It’s more commonly referred to as tapping because what we’re doing is literally tapping on our acupressure points on the body and when you do that you’re sending a calming signal to that fierce center of your brain. So just letting the brain know, the nervous system know, guess what? Even though it feels like there’s a tiger, we’re okay, we’re safe, and as you dial down that stress response which is very unconscious and involuntary, then you dial that down a little bit with that physical signal, you get to then access the part of your brain where there’s perspective and creativity and emotional regulation, maybe problem solving slash solution oriented thinking, which is the kind of thinking that we need access to when we’re going after big goals, when we’re leading our businesses, when we’re parenting, all of the things. But often we just feel kind of at the mercy of this fight, flight, freeze response. And that makes sense considering the world that we’re living in whether you are overlaying past experiences that for whatever reason have kind of set up this reaction that hasn’t been resolved yet in you and that might be overlaying the present or frankly, just, can we be honest? The world kind of feels like it’s going to hell in a hand basket these days.
Jacqui Acree [00:02:59]:
So whether you are feeling dysregulated from maybe some past that hasn’t been resolved or just from the present moment, either way, that’s not a great place to live as your sort of baseline experience. So we have to find ways, tools, and techniques to help us come back into the body, come back into the, what I call like the selfiest self, but it’s that capital S self, the version of you who knows you’re gonna be okay, who knows you can figure it out, and notice when I said you are gonna be okay. So it’s not that it’s gonna be okay because what does that even mean? Like sometimes when people say those platitude kind of things like everything happens for a reason or oh it’s gonna be okay, everything always works out for your highest good, I personally, that doesn’t work for me. When I hear that what I feel in my body is really? How do you know? There’s so much uncertainty and what ultimately you want to create. We’ve talked about this, you and I, so many times. So the opposite of uncertainty, everybody thinks it’s certainty, it’s knowing, but there’s so much you can’t know. So how do you know it’s going to be okay and what does it’s going to be okay even mean? What we can know though is how much trust we have in ourselves. So you can know that you will be okay because you will handle whatever happens when it happens.
Jacqui Acree [00:04:26]:
And that’s what I mean by coming into that self self or that capital s self. And tapping is one way that really helps you to connect with that part of yourself so that you are in the driver’s seat of your life versus being driven by either younger parts of you or fear or uncertainty, disappointment, frustration, all of the things.
Kylie Kelly [00:04:46]:
I feel like I found you at the perfect time. I remember for anyone listening, and we’ve talked about this before and I’ve shared it before with friends, but I discovered Jacqui because I was feeling stimulated fucked by my little kids and I didn’t know how to get get better. Now I’m using air quotes for get better. But, like, I didn’t know how to change, like, the constant state of anxiety that I was feeling. I tried talking it out. Right? Like, I tried and I’m not saying anything negative about therapy, but I tried talking it out, but it didn’t change how I felt in my body. I still couldn’t connect the 2. And it wasn’t until I locked myself in my bedroom one weekend when the kids were crazy and I was about to like lose my shit for the 100th time.
Kylie Kelly [00:05:27]:
And I locked myself in the bedroom and did like one of your like shortest, shortest tapping sessions. And when I walked out of that bedroom and like, guys, I was like tapping on my face. In my head, I was like, this is not gonna work. Like, what the hell am I doing? So I I did it and I walked out and I felt like a different person. Like, I felt calmer. I felt grounded. My whole nervous system just felt slower. And then Nick said to me, he’s like, what did you just take in it? He thought I’m waiting with a bottle of wine or something. I don’t know. But I physically felt different and that was such a profound experience. I’m like, oh my god, I found something
Kylie Kelly [00:06:05]:
And, you know, I guess guess different things work for different people, but they’re like, oh, I found something that makes me feel, like you said, like I can be okay. Like that, yes, shit might hit the fan, might go south, we might have to deal with some really horrible stuff that happens in our life. But through anything, I’ve got me. And I know that with this practice, like, it’s helped me feel like, no matter what, I’ve got this.
Jacqui Acree [00:06:27]:
Yeah. And you know what? You said I felt like a different person, but I think really you felt like yourself. Like yourself. You felt centered in yourself, you felt supported by yourself, you felt, calm, grounded, and nothing changed. The circumstances didn’t change, the kids were still the same age, probably acting the same way. I have 2 kids as well and I remember when they were little, it was very difficult for me to not feel that sympathetic nervous system response of I just felt overstimulated all the time and I didn’t have this tool back then. I actually kind of stumbled on it in a similar way to you when you met me back when I first discovered the tool years ago. It had been something that was recommended to me many, many times by my physiotherapist.
Jacqui Acree [00:07:16]:
I met a couple people who knew about tapping, they’re like yeah that sounds like something you should maybe try. I have a counselling degree. So I know all about how to work with your thoughts, I know all about like the talk therapy approach, and I agree with you, I think that it has a place of course. So there’s room for everything. You know one of the things I talk about all the time in my group programs is the whole duality that more than one thing can be true or there’s more room for more things, so it’s not an either or but I think you and I, when we’ve chatted, over Voxer because you live so far from me and I really think we need to change that someday, in case anyone doesn’t know, I live in Canada. Kylie’s in Australia, which is just tragic. But we’ve talked about how we both, like, understood so much in the brain or in the mind. We’d done lots of mindset work.
Jacqui Acree [00:08:07]:
We talked things through, but it was like a disconnection from the body. Like there was like this kind of well disconnect is the best way that I can describe it. I just felt like what I knew up in my head wasn’t translating into my lived experience and no amount of white knuckling those thoughts was changing how I felt. So I mean, I literally back in the day, I wrote my affirmations out and laminated them and then put them in the shower because I’m like, okay, I’m gonna I will if there is something I can do for myself, I will do it to the like A plus plus kind of level. And you know what? It didn’t work because I could believe them for a moment but not truly from a body type perspective. There was always a question mark in my mind. And not just my mind like in my body. I don’t hopefully, you know, whoever is listening to this it’s one of those if you know you know.
Jacqui Acree [00:09:06]:
It’s if you know you know. If an affirmation is working for you then yay like that’s great, like I said more than one thing can be true, but for me it just didn’t, it felt like there was a missing piece. So one thing you can do with tapping is you can marry affirmations with tapping. So it’s not just about a common common misconception with tapping is that it’s only used to process like the quote unquote negative feelings or negative thoughts and it is truly my favourite way of using tapping because I’m a total renter, like I’m a verbal processor, I love to get my feelings out and in my experience and truly the research shows that when you let those emotions out in a very healthy supportive way, we’re not talking about like ranting, in an unproductive way or directing it at someone else, but when you can express those emotions and be present with them in a really healthy supportive way, they quiet down, their message gets delivered, like emotions have a purpose, they have some information they want to deliver, you can’t ignore them and expect them to go away, they’ll come back in another way, they might come back in a headache, or they might all of a sudden pop out at your kid, or when you’re driving, or at the grocery store clerk, but like they are going to be heard. They will get louder and louder until you pay attention to them. So I personally have always loved the telling the truth about how you feel first part of tapping, but you can also use tapping to tap into more of what you want. So let’s say there’s an affirmation that you actually wanna move towards, but there is a part of you who for whatever reason doesn’t believe it, feels skeptical about it, feels like there’s no way that could be true, will you use tapping to work with that part of yourself so you’re not trying to bypass or convince or strong-arm or white knuckle. Instead, it’s just like, hey, guess what? You don’t have to believe this 100% to move more in that direction.
Jacqui Acree [00:10:58]:
So it’s a really powerful tool you can use in multiple ways. But I think what I got distracted by I was gonna say I stumbled on tapping the same way you first did with that like really real like mountain top kind of experience where it worked so well so fast. And I always tell this story about the first time I tried tapping, I actually tried it in a bathroom stall, public bathroom stall by myself and I was just like fumbling around not knowing what I was doing like you said, like kind of just tapping on my face and my body. I knew enough to figure out the basics but I really didn’t know what I was doing. And within about 3 minutes the complete like 12 out of 10 level rage I was experiencing dissipated and I had such clarity about why I was so mad and it had nothing to do with what was happening in that moment. So the insight and integration that I experienced in those few minutes like, I wasn’t a bathroom stall. It couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes, I don’t think. It was just that’s what caught my interest.
Jacqui Acree [00:11:58]:
That was the first time I ever tried tapping for myself, and it’s not like that all the time. Like, I work with clients daily and no, not very often. Like, you’ve been to my group stuff lots of times. We’ve we’ve talked together many times. It’s not like that very often. Right? It’s not very often that you’re like, I’m at a 12 out of 10 for whatever I’m feeling and I end up at this like 0 and I just feel completely integrated in whatever it is. It’s but when you get it like that, it really does feel like such a gift, really.
Kylie Kelly [00:12:27]:
Yeah. I think the thing that I love the most is it like cracks and lets curiosity in. So that’s something that I discovered coming to the group session. So I’m in Jacqui’s membership, called Being Human Together. And so we have group sessions that are around a different theme. And often I won’t be coming to those sessions with like, oh my god, I need to talk about this. I need to deal with this. This big massive thing has happened.
Kylie Kelly [00:12:52]:
But through the discussion and then the tapping, something will come to light because again, it always does, right? You always get what you need. So something will come to light and it’ll even just start to crack a thought that I had or inject a little bit of curiosity that lets me discover more and then quieten myself down to listen to actually what I think or what I’m trying to tell myself, which sounds so ridiculous, right? But I think in life, I don’t know, I move so fast. I think many of us do that we rarely slow down to actually listen to ourselves, but we, learning more and more. We have our own answers, so we could do that more often. I mean, there’s so much power there, especially as a business owner.
Jacqui Acree [00:13:33]:
Yeah. Well, we’re we definitely move fast. That’s very true. And I know I do. And, you know, and I actually kinda like moving fast. So it’s challenging for me to even want to slow down, and listen, but it doesn’t have to take long. That’s what I love about it. It’s like you can have quite a bit of insight and curiosity delivered in under 10 minutes.
Jacqui Acree [00:13:55]:
So it’s a really great tool for anyone who just wants something short and sweet but still receive something from it. And the other thing, not only are we rushing around all the time in life but we’re also not taught to listen to ourselves, we’re taught to listen to everybody else and like that we’re conditioned to do that. So we’re not taught to trust ourselves even from a young age, and some of it is probably not well intentioned you know from culture, like marketing wins if you are convinced that buying this thing is going to be the answer to you feeling like there’s something missing about you or your life. So there’s that, but also some of it is completely innocent. It’s just the way it happens. So like as a mom, I know I have inadvertently, created a question mark in my for my kids in their own judgment about let’s say they’re I live in Canada, it’s winter obviously, they go outside and it’s like, well don’t you want a jacket? You need a jacket. No, No. I don’t need a jacket to say, well, take a jacket.
Jacqui Acree [00:15:03]:
You need a jacket. You’re gonna be cold. It’s that whole like, it’s such a silly example. But, you know, as parents, we’re just trying to take care of our kids, and we think we know better than they do. And let’s be honest, sometimes we really do. And also, is it possible that sometimes kids know if if they’re cold, they’ll get their jacket? Like, what if? You know? So or eating, right? Like, you need to eat, you eat more, you’re gonna be hungry soon. Like, I don’t know. I think that sometimes it’s helpful to maybe just notice that it’s difficult to trust yourself, your own intuition, and that you actually have a lot of the answers within you.
Jacqui Acree [00:15:43]:
And if you don’t have them yet, that you can find them. Like that it’s possible to figure it out and it doesn’t have to be this second, you can figure part of it out and then you’ll figure the next part out and then the next part out and then especially like in the context of business, something that I hear all the time is like people just ask themselves, like, what if I never figure it out? What if it like, always feels this hard? I feel behind, like, these are the feelings that we often have. And a misconception would be someone looking at your business Kylie and thinking like, oh if I could just be like Kylie, if I could just get to where Kylie is, and she’s figured it out, and I know you would tell them that you figured it out to today, but something gets weird. What happens in business and in life is that we figure it out until we don’t, because things change all the time and if we can’t adapt to that change and trust ourselves to figure it out again, that is a big problem because it will always get weird. Things are always changing. The market changes, social media changes, how people buy changes, everything’s changing, including ourselves. And that does not have to be a bad thing. That can actually be really exciting.
Jacqui Acree [00:17:03]:
And to your point, when you bring curiosity to that, also creativity, right, then you can just have fun figuring it out. But it can feel like a real threat. Change can feel like such a threat. And if you can’t figure out how to tolerate that and put it in its place then you’re probably going to feel like you’re spinning your wheels or like you’re up against kind of like an invisible wall and wondering what’s wrong with you because everybody else seems to be figuring it out. When really, I mean, honestly what I hear from people all the time is the exact same story. So I can promise you that nobody really feel feels like they’re figuring it out, except for they trust themselves that they’ll keep going. If they’ve got that one piece, they’re okay.
Kylie Kelly [00:17:49]:
Oh, so good. I remember that was one of the first things that I was in a discussion. I don’t know whether it was in a group session or just us on Voxer. I can’t remember. Or maybe one of your programs. But I remember being almost like this, graphic analogy around everything being kind of cyclical. Right? So I always thought it was like this upward trajectory. I start my business, I figure stuff out, it keeps getting better, it keeps getting better.
Kylie Kelly [00:18:13]:
And yeah, I knew there’d be dips, but I always thought we’re going up, right? We’re going up. And when I’m going up, something is wrong and oh my gosh, again, the threat, it’s not working. Oh my God, it’s all gonna go away. No one’s gonna buy anything. How am I gonna feed my family? Like alarm bells, right? And it was only when through a discussion with you and you were like, hang on, I think of it more of a cycle, right? Like, yeah, you figure it out. It goes great for a while. Then she gets weird. Oh, then we figure it out again and we just go around.
Kylie Kelly [00:18:42]:
And that image was so helpful because suddenly it wasn’t this like straight line. I wasn’t behind. I wasn’t failing. No, actually it just got weird. We need to figure it out again and we’ll go around again.
Jacqui Acree [00:18:55]:
Yeah. And when you expect that it will get weird, I think that’s really helpful because it normalizes it then you don’t again, it’s the tendency is for us to think something’s wrong because it feels like a threat because now, oh no, I gotta figure it out again or what if the the revenue goes down? Or what if, like, I lose my, like, I don’t know, clients? Or the launch doesn’t go as well as I thought it was gonna go? Or whatever it is. And, honestly, everything gets weird sometimes. It just does. So when you can expect that you know what I’ll put it in parenting terms too because I do find I remember the first time that that was really apparent to me as a parent. That sounded funny, a parent as a parent. But really, I remember the very first time because my son would have been around 2a half. And at that time, I think I still had this not to me now it seems strange, but I think I thought that everything should be a certain way.
Jacqui Acree [00:19:57]:
And that way was positive. So to your point, it’s like up, up, up, right? Business trajectory, parenting trajectory, you’re always going towards improvements, things getting better. And then anything that wasn’t that was a problem to be solved. And I remember realizing that everything is a stage. Like it was just this moment of clarity. And it didn’t last very long. I can promise you that. My son is now 15 and I would still probably feel a little bit of what I felt back then.
Jacqui Acree [00:20:28]:
But, you know, because it’s hard as a parent, you just love them so much and you want to help and you so badly wanna protect them and and it’s you feel like it’s on your shoulders. Right? It’s like it’s up to me so I have to do something to make sure it’s okay. And I think a business can feel like that too. Like, it’s a very clunky comparison because there’s parenting and and business are very different of course, but I feel like sometimes the stakes are they feel high. Right? And, actually, I just said this to my daughter yesterday. She was trying out for the volleyball, club here in our in our little city, and, it’s the first time she’s ever tried out for a sport because she’s young enough that she’s always just been able to play. You wanna sign up? Everyone’s welcome. You know, you just they all they want is our money.
Jacqui Acree [00:21:13]:
They if we’re willing to get some of our money, then yes. Your child can play. But she’s finally getting to an age where she has to try out. And she was so anxious, which I understand. I actually was so proud of her for having the courage to try because when I was a kid I wouldn’t have tried out to be honest. Back then, no way, no way would I have risked that. So so proud of her for being willing to try but she was very anxious. And I tried asking her that now.
Jacqui Acree [00:21:37]:
Kylie, I know you’ve heard me ask this in a group session as we’ve been tapping. The question that I’ll ask sometimes is what if the stakes aren’t as high as they feel? And when you ask that and you marry it with what I was describing earlier, that calming signal to that part of your brain that’s feeling really activated and scared and you just calmly ask that part of yourself like, What if the stakes aren’t as high as they feel? Now I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times when the stakes are high but a lot of the time the stakes are not as high as they feel. They’re just we have this overlaid intensity that if you can just kind of pull the ease back a little bit, just ease back a little bit and get some perspective and realize it’s just one thing in the midst of a bunch of things. It’s probably not going to be the thing that’s like a do or die at all. I mean, I think of that I just did a group session in someone’s group, like a guest session, And she’s someone I don’t really know. And my perception of her business is it’s quite I don’t know. She seems like a very fancy person. So I was feeling kind of stressed about that.
Jacqui Acree [00:22:43]:
It’s my version of volleyball tryouts. And that’s the question I asked myself. I was like, hang on. Wait a minute. What if the stakes aren’t as high as I feel? She’s just a regular person. Her people are just regular people. And as soon as I, was able to do that for myself and I did tap before that, I don’t always tap before for myself before sessions because I’m pretty familiar with this, right? It’s in my comfort zone now. But that was one of those, oh, I’m expanding my comfort zone moment.
Jacqui Acree [00:23:07]:
I wasn’t fully out of it, but I was definitely stretching it and making it bigger. And so I tapped for, like, maybe 2 minutes before I went into her group for myself and asking myself that question, I just felt everything settle. It’s like a glitter bomb in your body and everything just sort of like oh and then I went in and I worked my magic and had a lot of fun and I think I really connected with everyone there, I got great feedback, and tada we’re good. And that was already like 2 weeks ago, you know? It’s like the stakes weren’t as high as they felt. But if I hadn’t been able to do that for myself, I might have gone into that session feeling kind of tight and a little bit rigid, tense. You know when you’re, like, kind of judging every word that you say, has anyone ever felt like you’re almost hovering outside of your body and watching yourself and you’re like, why am I still talking or whatever the question is? So, yeah, I was just really grateful that I was able to show up like that and even help my own daughter with that. Like, it’s just one of the stakes aren’t as high
Kylie Kelly [00:24:06]:
as I feel? That question alone can be really helpful. I think as well, Jacqui, like, especially at this time of the year. So like this episode’s going live at the end of 2024 where, hey, we might not have even hit the goals that we set at the start of the year. We’re looking to, like, plan out new goals for 2025. Again, that question of, like, what if the stakes aren’t as high as you feel? What if it takes longer? Like, that’s okay. Right? Like, I feel like that question alone can add a lot of clarity, especially with the timing of the year as well.
Jacqui Acree [00:24:31]:
Yeah. It can. And I do think I will reiterate, like, probably for me, one of the ways I would use tapping to process some of that is there is a part of me that’s not okay with that. Like that is okay to say out loud, and it’s okay to work with that. So if it is going to take longer than I want it to, or if I have some goals that I didn’t hit, which I can speak for myself, I do. I have goals I didn’t hit this year. But I’ve been doing this for so long that I don’t expect to hit them all and I think expectations, like management of your expectations is really important. And there’s a sweet spot where you set goals and of course you aim for them, but I don’t expect to be able to hit a goal on December 31st of a year when I set the goal on January 1st and in those 12 months things got weird.
Jacqui Acree [00:25:18]:
Right? Like it can’t be rigid like that. Or you set yourself up to create a story and a narrative around it and ultimately that you’re not gonna look like the hero in that story. Right? You’re gonna come at yourself like why didn’t you I should have like, we tend to shame and blame ourselves. So instead, I would just work with the part of myself who’s like, okay, there’s part of me that’s like, that didn’t go how I expected or I wish something different had happened or whatever, and you work with that disappointment or that frustration or whatever it is, that uncertainty, while also tuning in and connecting with a part of yourself who’s like, alright, well it’s time to put our shit kickers on and let’s get going. Like it’s a new year, it’s gonna be fun. Like what can I bring into this next year? What resources do I have that I didn’t have last year or last month? Or the it’s you’re new. You’re always new every day. So how can you adapt? But that’s a difficult thing to do if you’re not processing frustration, disappointment, there could be grief from the year that like you got to be able to be present to those emotions and And sometimes we don’t know.
Jacqui Acree [00:26:33]:
Like, everybody loves to say, well, feel your feelings, but it’s like, how? Can someone please tell me how? I’m like, yes. Yes. I can.
Kylie Kelly [00:26:41]:
Yeah. Especially when some emotions, some feelings are easy to access. Like, we’ve talked about this before, like anger. Like, I get angry really easily, but it’s not actually anger. Right? It’s it’s often something’s underneath that for me. But it’s so much easier just to get angry at Nick for not putting the dishwasher on as an example, when actually that’s not really an issue. It’s something much deeper.
Jacqui Acree [00:27:03]:
Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, anger in itself is perfectly fine and it has a purpose as well. But if it is a familiar go to, like it is for me as well, we’ve talked about those lots, there’s usually like that’s that in itself is information. It’s like, okay. Maybe I am more comfortable in that fight type response, that fight energy versus, looking a little bit at what might be underneath of that.
Kylie Kelly [00:27:29]:
So powerful. Okay. This is my this might be weird. Let’s do Let’s do a little example mini tap. For anyone that has not ever heard what it is or dipped their toes into anything tapping, could we do just like a couple minutes mini tap? And maybe it is just focusing on not hitting a goal. Like I wanted to hit 10 ks on my email list. Again, back to email always. But I wanted to hit 10 ks on my email list.
Kylie Kelly [00:27:55]:
I didn’t do that at all. I didn’t even get, oh, I got close. I’m at like 7. So look, we’ll take it. We’ll take it. But I’m disappointed about that. Like I really wanted I know why I didn’t because I didn’t do the actions that would have caused. I didn’t host enough events myself etcetera, etcetera. So I know why but I’m still disappointed. So maybe we could do a little mini tap for anyone listening that didn’t hit a goal to move some of that energy. Would that be okay?
Jacqui Acree [00:28:19]:
Yeah. We can try it. I’m curious about how do you feel about yourself when you say I didn’t do, like, enough events? Or I like, what pops up?
Kylie Kelly [00:28:29]:
Like, a little bit of disappointment. Actually, a bit I’m I’m annoyed at myself. I think that’s probably a better way. I’m annoyed at myself for not noticing how fast the year was going and what I wasn’t prioritizing.
Jacqui Acree [00:28:41]:
Well, because certainly you didn’t do enough this year. Like, when you look back over your year, you had a lot of spaces where you were just not doing anything and so you right? I
Kylie Kelly [00:28:49]:
can hear your sarcasm. Yeah.
Jacqui Acree [00:28:51]:
I can hear my tone. I’m like that’s the funny part is it’s like our expectations are probably out of alignment with what a human being can actually do. I think that’s a really important thing to acknowledge and you’re still allowed to be disappointed about it but I just don’t understand where we got the idea that we’re human. I do understand it. I just don’t like it where we got the idea that we’re human doings instead of human beings. Like, it’s it’s quite bananas when you actually pull back because I know we’ve been, like, close friends. We we chat a lot, and I know what you’ve been up to. I’ve seen what you’ve been doing, and I know everyone here listening would be able to say, like, what? Like, look at the year you’ve had.
Jacqui Acree [00:29:39]:
Look at how you’ve completely revamped the email growth club and like blah blah like all these things that you’ve done and I just marvel out, you know, I tell you I’m always like
Kylie Kelly [00:29:49]:
I don’t know how you
Jacqui Acree [00:29:50]:
do it and yet how you feel about yourself is I should have done more, I didn’t do enough.
Kylie Kelly [00:29:56]:
Well it never feels like enough.
Jacqui Acree [00:29:57]:
We would all like to know when would you have done it. So I think that that’s the thing that we sometimes have to reckon with, it’s like part of me does wish that I had done more and part of me is annoyed with myself for not doing more and also can I send some compassion to myself
Jacqui Acree [00:30:15]:
I’m here to say that’s not true. It’s not a popular sentiment and I may have just lost all of your listeners in the dust now. They might be like, unsubscribe. I don’t think so. I don’t think so. I think that if you let it drop it now again, like, remember more than one thing can be true. So if we have limited agency, where can we direct that agency? And how can we free it up to go in the direction of what we care about most? So we’re not distracted by doing other things. So we’re not stuck in that procrastination cycle.
Jacqui Acree [00:30:53]:
The distractions of like the things that an artist is important to us, but maybe we’re doing those because we’re not doing the things that we’re a little bit more scared to do. That can be part of it for sure. And just as an aside, anytime you’re using like self sabotage or like procrastination, for example, those are actually protective responses. Self sabotage is always self protection. But what we do is we shame and blame ourselves for doing it. And so the cycle just perpetuates itself. Right? Anyways, all of that is actually really helpful. So for anyone listening, like, this conversation that Kylie and are having specifically about how she’s feeling about her goals for the year, specifically this one goal for 10,000 new emails new email subscribers are total on your list?
Kylie Kelly [00:31:34]:
Total. Total. I mean, new would be great. Right? But let’s go total.
Jacqui Acree [00:31:38]:
I know. As soon as I said, I’m like, she’s gonna say new would be great. That’s all really helpful though, like conversation to kind of add context to how I would create a tapping session if we’re working together 1 to 1. Now in a group, we trust the tool and your own mind to work together so that you get your own individual experience with a more general guidance. So it’s maybe not language that’s specific to what you just shared for example. If we were working 1 to 1 I would just go very specific. Like even though I did not hit 10,000 subscribers on my email list and part of me feels really annoyed by that, There’s another part of me who really knows that I actually had a great year and I’m really proud of myself for how I showed up this year. Like, that’s how I would create that session, but because we’re gonna do something that’s a little bit more community oriented, so everybody can kinda take something away today, I’ll use language that’s a little bit more generic and what I would tell everyone is, first of all, make sure you’re in a safe space because I’m gonna guide you through just a short tapping session, so you’re gonna need to have your fingers available.
Jacqui Acree [00:32:42]:
If that’s not possible for you, I still encourage you to just listen along. It’s okay if again, be gracious with yourself and, like, invite the possibility that things don’t have to be perfect in order for them to work. But if you can, make sure that you’re in a safe space to do so. For example, no driving or no cooking, ideally. And, let’s see if there’s anything else that I need to tell you before we try this. I don’t think so. Probably in the show notes, Kylie will include for you, like, a little 10 minute video that you can follow along. It’s a tapping session that I created, it’s called start your day calm, clear and grounded.
Jacqui Acree [00:33:16]:
So if you need a visual and you wanna try tapping that might be a good place to start. There’s also an audio included with that if you prefer to listen with your AirPods in. I sometimes like audio because it’s a little less distracting, but if you don’t know where to tap on your body what we’re gonna do is I’m gonna guide you through audibly. You can I will guide you through through each point? So I’m gonna say tapping on the side of the hand and you’re gonna tap on the side of your hand, and then you’re gonna repeat after me either out loud or in your own mind, and we’re just gonna kinda play with this for a couple of minutes. What I would encourage you to do is notice how you feel before and notice how you feel after and just see if there’s a change. So let’s give it a try and see what happens. Yeah? Kylie, will you repeat after me so that people kind of can follow along with you? You can kind of be our echo, I guess you could call it. Mhmm.
Jacqui Acree [00:34:04]:
Yeah? Okay. So what we’re gonna do is to start out with, I always suggest maybe closing your eyes or softening your gaze. And we’re gonna start with a gentle breath in through the nose and out through the mouth at your own pace. And now let’s tune in to how you feel about maybe a goal that you set this year that you didn’t hit. Maybe there are plenty of goals that you set this year and maybe part of your brain is even going it’s not just this year, it’s every year. So whatever’s coming up, just notice any feelings like disappointment, frustration, there might be some judgment, maybe even some sadness. So whatever is coming up for you, pay attention to that, and you can work with all of those emotions in this session or you may wanna notice the one that feels a little bit most intense and just sort of focus on that one to begin with. And maybe give it a number on a scale of, let’s say, 0 to 10.
Jacqui Acree [00:35:05]:
So 10 being high, how intense is this feeling right now? And the last question I would suggest kind of connecting with is where do you feel it in your body? And that is not always an easy thing to identify. I used to be like a disembodied head. I had no idea where I felt anything in my body. So if that’s difficult for you to connect with, that’s okay. You’re not doing anything wrong, but just see what might be possible. Can you feel it in your body? Do your shoulders feel like they’re by your ears? Are you clenching your jaw? Does your gut feel clenched and tight? Sometimes I notice people feel a heaviness in their chest. Okay, so when you’re ready, you can flutter your eyes open if they were closed or you can keep them closed, whatever is comfortable for you, but we’re gonna start tapping gently on the side of the hand. So just on the side of the hand with your fingertips, tapping gently there and you’re gonna repeat after me, even though part of me really feels.
Kylie Kelly [00:36:05]:
Even though part of me really feels.
Jacqui Acree [00:36:09]:
Disappointed. Disappointed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Frustrated.
Kylie Kelly [00:36:17]:
Frustrated. Maybe even sad. Maybe even sad.
Jacqui Acree [00:36:23]:
There’s another part of me
Kylie Kelly [00:36:25]:
There’s another part of me.
Jacqui Acree [00:36:29]:
Who’s open to seeing this differently.
Kylie Kelly [00:36:31]:
Who’s open to seeing this differently.
Jacqui Acree [00:36:34]:
And so I bring curiosity and compassion to this now.
Kylie Kelly [00:36:38]:
So I bring curiosity and compassion to this now.
Jacqui Acree [00:36:41]:
Alright. So ordinarily, we would stay on the side of the hand for 3 more or 2 more rounds, 3 in total, but we’re gonna go to the top of the head. So tapping gently there and just noticing that feeling. You might wanna say something like, in this moment, I acknowledge how I feel.
Kylie Kelly [00:36:57]:
In this moment, I acknowledge how I feel.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:00]:
Eyebrow point. I don’t like these feelings. I don’t like these feelings. Side of the eye. I feel really annoyed with myself.
Kylie Kelly [00:37:13]:
I feel really annoyed with myself.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:16]:
Underneath the eye. I should have done more.
Kylie Kelly [00:37:20]:
I should have done more.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:22]:
Underneath the nose. I should have noticed how fast the year was going.
Kylie Kelly [00:37:28]:
I should have noticed how fast the year was going.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:32]:
Underneath the mouth. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time.
Kylie Kelly [00:37:36]:
I shouldn’t have wasted so much time.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:39]:
Collarbone point. And now it’s too late.
Kylie Kelly [00:37:43]:
Now it’s too late.
Jacqui Acree [00:37:45]:
So staying on the collarbone point, just notice all of those feelings. It’s too late. I should have done more. It’s my fault. And you might really notice this, like, familiarity with it. Like, it’s just another year, the same old pattern. This is I’m not surprised. It’s almost like a feeling of, like, see? Told you.
Jacqui Acree [00:38:09]:
K. So breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, and let’s see if we can invite in a little bit of space. So we’re gonna go to tapping underneath the arms. Maybe this isn’t the only way to see this.
Kylie Kelly [00:38:22]:
Maybe this isn’t the only way to see this.
Jacqui Acree [00:38:26]:
Going to the top of the head. I wonder if there’s something I might be missing.
Kylie Kelly [00:38:33]:
I wonder if there’s something that I might be missing.
Jacqui Acree [00:38:36]:
Going to the eyebrow point and just noticing, you can ask yourself, if I’m missing something, what might it be? Like scanning over the year. Look at what went weird that you couldn’t have possibly known on January 1st when you set your goal. So look at all of the things that happened in the last several months that you did not see coming and the toll that those took on you. And to tap gently on the side of the eye. And what if you could offer yourself some grace and maybe even some acknowledgment of how well you actually did considering what you faced this year? We’re gonna tap underneath the eye. And that doesn’t dismiss this disappointed or even annoyed, frustrated, or sad feeling. That’s okay. That can be there.
Jacqui Acree [00:39:25]:
You did have a really big goal, and you really wanted to hit it. This really matters to you. And as we go to underneath the nose, drop in the question, what if this deadline of December 31st doesn’t mean anything? When you go to underneath the mouse, It’s kind of like the what if the stakes aren’t that high or as high as they feel question. It’s sort of like, what if this is all fabricated? Like, I get to just keep going. I’m getting closer and closer. Going to the collar at one point. You might even wanna repeat that after me. Maybe I’m closer than I think.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:03]:
Maybe I’m closer than I think.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:05]:
Underneath the arms. And again, I want you to just notice if there’s any any part of you that’s like, no, you’re not. That’s okay. Sometimes that happens, that part of us just wants to argue. But as we go to the top of the head, we’re gonna say again, maybe I’m doing better than I thought I was.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:23]:
Maybe I’m doing better than I thought I was.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:26]:
Eyebrow point. And maybe I really can trust myself to keep going.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:31]:
Maybe I can really trust myself to keep going.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:35]:
Side of the eye. And maybe I’m not behind at all.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:41]:
Maybe I’m not behind at all.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:45]:
Underneath the eye. And I give myself the freedom.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:50]:
I give myself the freedom.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:52]:
Underneath the nose to enjoy the journey.
Kylie Kelly [00:40:57]:
To enjoy the journey.
Jacqui Acree [00:40:59]:
Underneath the nose and to look at how far I’ve already come.
Kylie Kelly [00:41:04]:
And to look at how far I’ve already come.
Jacqui Acree [00:41:07]:
And tapping on the collarbone point, letting that fuel me forward
Kylie Kelly [00:41:12]:
now. Letting that fuel me forward now.
Jacqui Acree [00:41:16]:
Alright. So we’re gonna stop tapping. My suggestion would be to leave your hand on your heart space, or you might just wanna leave them resting gently in your lap. But let’s just connect one more time with those feelings that we started with at the beginning of this short tapping round. And there might have been some disappointment and frustration, annoyance, sadness, whatever was there for you, you gave it a number on that scale of 0 to 10. So what’s the number now? Noticing how your body feels and if there are any new thoughts that are kind of in your mind. I always suggest having a journal or notebook or even your notes app open on your phone and just jotting down whatever comes up. It’s really fascinating if you can follow the trajectory of that and see change over time.
Jacqui Acree [00:41:57]:
It’s pretty significant, but it’s very easy to forget. One of my favorite humans that I’ve been working with, she’s been the person who’s been the longest in my business. And we actually did EFT training together. Her name is Liz, you know, Liz Kylie. She calls it tapping amnesia. She’s like, sometimes I literally can’t even remember the thing that I thought was such a big deal. And then months later, I’m like, that was a big deal to me back then. I don’t even remember that that was so but at the time, it felt like, oh my gosh.
Jacqui Acree [00:42:25]:
This is huge. So, Kylie, how did that feel? Did we get anywhere with that?
Kylie Kelly [00:42:29]:
Yeah. That was that was good. I, I felt a little bit of, like, gratefulness and pride of how much I did creeping in, which was nice. Because you’re right. Where would I fit anything else in? I don’t know.
Jacqui Acree [00:42:41]:
Where would you fit anything else in? There are also things that you just didn’t anticipate were gonna happen this year. And how could you have? And so you actually did a really beautiful job adapting, and now you have more information so and more resources to go forward and get closer to that goal. Like, you’re gonna keep going. It’s not like it just expired on December 31st, and now too bad. Right? Like and also would have been nice to hit it this year. It can be both.
Kylie Kelly [00:43:06]:
Yeah.
Jacqui Acree [00:43:07]:
So yeah. It was a very short round. I hope it was helpful for people, but it gave you a little tiny mini experience of what it can feel like. One thing I wanna make sure I say, Kylie, just in case this happened for anyone, especially if they’re new to tapping, I have no idea. So first of all, again, if you didn’t know where to tap on your body, that might have been hard to follow. So just go grab the video and, like, it’s super easy. And once you see it, it’s like, oh, okay. That’s not hard at all.
Jacqui Acree [00:43:32]:
I tend to work with people who are, like, high achieving perfectionist type like myself and so we really wanna do things correctly. We wanna make sure we do it right. So be be gracious with yourself. If you didn’t have a clue, it’s tough to follow on an audio if you’ve never done it before. The second thing that I wanted to make sure I don’t forget to mention is if anyone noticed how they were feeling intensify. And by that, I mean, like, if the disappointment got bigger or feeling in no way got even bigger. Like if the number went instead from let’s say you started it at an 8 and you went up to a 9, normally the feelings do dissipate and they go down that ladder and you don’t have to end at a perfect 0 for it to be worthwhile, of course, But sometimes it’ll intensify and we aren’t with you in real time. So if like, I don’t know that, but that can feel like, oh, what’s happening? And it’s kind of scary and it feels like this isn’t working.
Jacqui Acree [00:44:25]:
It’s getting worse. It’s probably something you just haven’t been paying attention to and now it’s like a kid, like you finally are like looking right at that child and you’re like I am here, you have my full attention, I’m here to listen to you, what did you want to tell me? And the kid is like are you serious? I cannot wait to tell you about all of these Pokemon characters that I just want that would be my child, it’s like I’m gonna tell you all the details about Legends of Zelda and every single thing I’ve ever done in that game and my brain is like, what are you even talking about right now? So just know that once you’ve listened and if you kept tapping, it would come down. It’s good information to have if that number intensified. Do something really gentle for yourself to just move that energy through. If you are if it’s comfortable and it’s available, you could go for a walk, drink a cold glass of water, something like that.
Kylie Kelly [00:45:19]:
Yeah. I love that. Jacqui, thank you so much for I know I threw that at you. Thank you so much for leading us through that and sharing that with us all. I really appreciated that.
Jacqui Acree [00:45:27]:
Oh, yeah. It’s my pleasure. I hope that it was helpful. And I think depending on when this airs, December 30th, I have a group tapping session that’s 90 minutes and we’re gonna go all through the arc of releasing any of these kinds of feelings about 2024 so that they get heard and witnessed and let go of and then we’re gonna move into starting 2020 5 with like a new energy and intention, so Kylie will have that link for anyone who’s listening that wants to join, it’s free, it’s 90 minute session, I have 2 happening that same day so that hopefully it works for someone to be there, I know we’re all in different time zones, but grab that link from Kylie if that’s something that you wanna make sure you get to because it’s a gentle new approach to goals and to moving into that new year transition. So and I think it would marry really well with what you were talking about, Kylie, around mid November in your podcast. If people haven’t heard it to just go back and listen to that episode about, you know, how to plan and set goals for the year. I always think the one thing that people are missing is strategy plus nervous system regulation. Like the strategy, and you know this, as someone who’s so locked and loaded and like you can teach people how to grow an email list fast and you’re so brilliant at it.
Jacqui Acree [00:46:49]:
I’ve been part of your membership. Like, it’s so powerful. So if anyone’s not in there, get in there for real. Kylie is the person I wish I had found when I first started my business because I spun my wheels for a while not knowing what to do. But that being said, like, don’t miss the piece about working with any of the emotional parts that come up because visibility, for example, that’s scary AF. Like, oh, I think we’re allowed to swear on your podcast.
Kylie Kelly [00:47:13]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are.
Jacqui Acree [00:47:15]:
Yeah. It really is. Like, being more visible can be very disregulating. So there’s nothing wrong with you if that’s how it feels. That’s very actually, it’s normalized. It’s very human. But let’s not let it be an invisible wall that you can’t get through. Let’s dissolve that instead so you can move on and keep growing.
Kylie Kelly [00:47:34]:
I agree. I think feel like that’s the piece that everybody is missing. And I know I was for the longest time, like being able to actually calm myself down to take the action. So, yes, I love that you just mentioned that and I will have the link for everyone. It’s in a couple of days from when this went live. So please, if you’re listening, if you want more of that, make sure you grab the link in the show notes or just send me a message and I will send it to you. But Jacqui, thank you. Thank you so much for this.
Kylie Kelly [00:47:56]:
It has been such a joy to have you. I could talk to you for hours as we often do in Voxer.
Jacqui Acree [00:48:01]:
I was gonna say we do anyway. So let’s be real. We’ll probably Voxer immediately after this. Well thank you everyone for spending this time with us, you are in very good hands with Kylie so keep listening, keep following her. Like I said she is the person I wish I had found when I was early on in my business and I just really love how much I have soaked up from you Kylie since we’ve met. You are one of the smartest strategists I know. So it’s really just a joy to get to share this space with you. Thanks for inviting me in, and, thanks for listening, everyone.
Kylie Kelly [00:48:34]:
Oh, thanks again, Jacqui. And I did not pay her to say that.
Jacqui Acree [00:48:38]:
Well, you might later.
Kylie Kelly [00:48:40]:
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Email Growth Show. I hope you found valuable insights into the next steps you can take to grow your email list and boost your business without relying on social media or paid ads. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show and share it with others. Your feedback helps me reach more female entrepreneurs just like you, who are ready to say goodbye to social media and leverage email marketing to grow their business and make a bigger impact. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you in the next episode.
